The Breakfast Show
by shinujigoku
Summary: Ayame and Shigure host a breakfast show full of extravagant fanfare and tea. Reviewers are their 'listeners,' so R&R to determine what is to be in their next show!
1. Lost Virginity

**

* * *

YOU MUST READ:** Once again I enter the realm of fanfiction to create a story that could be criticized as a horrific fanfic or praised as a masterpiece. Ah, and the victim to my poor use of language is Fruits Basket. Yet you see, I quite enjoyed the anime and I felt obliged to write a fic concerning some of my favourite characters! So I give you fair warning that you might not like this story because I have decided to write it in script form. Ok, it's not exactly script form but I don't know what type it is nonetheless, yet it is mostly dialogue than actual description. I know I'm lazy… 

The main idea of this fanfic is that it will be sort of interactive. It will be just like a breakfast show with listeners calling up and asking Shigure and Ayame questions. You are the 'listeners' and your reviews can either appreciate or degrade my writing skills, or, you can ask questions to Shigure, Ayame, or any other main character in the series. But you have to be prepared to be in my fic as the 'caller.' It's sort of my way of saying thank you. I don't know whether I'm bending the rules here at yet if I am, I'll remove this fanfic with no questions asked providing I get a warning from one of the administrators or someone who is going to report me.

Anyway, once you have reviewed your request or your question it will be suspended after I have incorporated it into my fanfic. I'll keep a check on the reviews and questions that I have answered to on my profile so there won't be any double-dealing. -nods-

So hopefully you have gotten the drift of what I am saying and that you can review and like the idea of my fic. So, the faster you review and spread the word about my fic, the faster I will update! So be good little munchkins and review! Please? -Puppy eyes- ENJOY!

P.S. It's radio.

* * *

THE BREAKFAST SHOW 

FIRST SHOW

Lost Virginity

By shinujigoku

_The bright sunlight filters through the blinds of Shigure's home and a gentle breeze trickles past them to gently caress the locks of the male inhabitants sitting there. A man, with long, white locks and amber eyes smiles suggestively to the man sitting opposite him as he hands him a cup of jasmine tea; the enticing fumes greeting his sensitized nose. He smiles warmly and winks, taking the cup from the man's slender fingers and sips it, testing how hot it is. The other man sits down and takes out a microphone, a pair of headphones and other equipment. The other man, known as Shigure, raises an inquisitive eyebrow and smiles mischievously, a smile echoing his tea partner. Together they each place on the headphones respectively and the man with the long, luscious locks presses the green button._

**(Ayame and Shigure singing inharmoniously) – **

When the sun wakes up at the break of day,  
Before he starts upon his way,  
He looks about so cheerily,  
Then he calls to you and me:  
Good morning! Good morning!  
I hope you're well today.  
Come join Ayame and Shigure

On this brand new day!

**(Ayame) – **Good morning everyone! Welcome to Ayame and Shigure's breakfast show! I hope we all had a pleasant night's sleep! I know **I** did!

**(Shigure) – **Ayame, please, not in front of our listeners!

**(Ayame) – **Well they're perfectly old enough Shigure! Do not condemn they're curiosity for knowing our personal lives! They say 'curiosity kills the cat,' but frankly the cat's still alive! Speaking of which where is Baby-Ky –

**(Shigure) – **AAAANNNYYYway…welcome to our first breakfast show everyone! 'Tis a landmark event and we have plenty in store for you today! I think…

_Shigure turns to Ayame with a worried frown. Ayame who was brushing a hundred strokes of the hairbrush through his hair waves dismissively at Shigure in exasperation._

**(Ayame) – **Of course we do Shigure! Our dear listeners will embark on a journey that will be a breakfast feast for their ears! Their starvation will end and we will be the saviours of their fulfilment!

**(Shigure) – **Well, my dear Ayame, tell them what we have in store for them today!

**(Ayame) – **Well…since it's our first time using the equipment let's just have a few segments of 'Shigure and Ayame's Boyish Memories,' 'Fashion Fiesta,' 'Wise Words from a Poet' and 'Ayame and Yuki's Brotherly Love,' where I shall win the affections of my brother Yuki!

**(Shigure) – **Excellent! I hope that will keep your appetites wet folks! Now let's go to a commercial and we'll be right back listeners! So keep your soba noodles warm and we'll talk to you soon!

_Shigure slurps his tea and clears his throat, whilst Ayame looks into his handheld mirror and applies facial crème._

**(Commercial man a.k.a. Shigure) –**

Discover the wonders of Cornish pixies! They fright, they delight, they don't exist and they're a bargain! Order yours today at the low price of 20 000 yen and your very own pixie will arrive at your doorstep perhaps when you're admitted to a lunatic asylum. Call 1800-ilovedogs and GET YOURS TODAY!

_Shigure smiles warmly whilst Ayame begins to sing a distorted version of 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' to signal the end of the ad break._

**(Ayame) – **And welcome back everyone! What a morning to wake up to! And to make it all the more magnificent let's have a few wise words from our own doggy-dog poet…SHIGURE!

**(Shigure) – **Writer! Writer!

**(Ayame) – **Yes whatever…

**(Shigure) – **Ahem…

Love is such a fickle thing

Indeed it is! Indeed it is!

And I'm stuck right in the middle of it!

Oh me oh my! Oh me of my!

And so what shall I do?

My sneaky friend! My sneaky friend!

But sleep with my lover's hate!

Just as she slept with mine.

_Ayame presses the Applause button, which ends up turning into a cacophony of farmyard sounds. Shigure beams in happiness as he helps himself to a strawberry._

**(Ayame) – **Magnifico! Stupendous! A true insight to the world of a literary genius! I bow to the master!

_Ayame procures a plushie of himself dressed in a waitress' uniform that he manipulates to bow to Shigure from across the table. Shigure politely accepts the bow with a wave of his hand._

**(Shigure) – **Oh how you flatter me my dear snake!

**(Ayame) – **I praise you when it is duly needed my doggy companion.

_The door slides open and admits a boy with white hair and black undergrowth wearing necklaces and a black and white school uniform. He looks serenely at Shigure and Ayame and smiles warmly at the men._

**(Shigure) – **Ah it looks like we have an interviewee folks! This is our lucky day! The legendary cow of martial arts and the artist of split personalities! A Casanova to be sure my young spooning damsels! Meet Hatsu Haru Sohma, the future heart breaker of women the world over!

**(Hatsu Haru) – **Er…hi…

**(Ayame) – **Now! Now! My dear boy! Say hello and introduce yourself to your adoring fans! There's no need to be bashful!

**(Hatsu Haru) – **Well I was wandering around the wilderness and I came across a waterfall where the gushing sounds of water thundering against the serene surface of the lake made me aware that the calls of nature was beckoning to the bowels of my existence and thus, –

**(Shigure) – **The bathroom is up the stairs, to the right.

**(Hatsu Haru) – **Thanks.

_The boy languidly rises and opens the door to the hallway and to his escape from the sitting room. Shigure and Ayame wave goodbye before the door closes again._

**(Ayame) – **Aww! I so dearly wanted an interview! Perhaps next week we'll have some lucky male or female specimen of our community to introduce. Yet until next time then! Shigure! We must plan to kidnap one of them! Perhaps Yuki?

**(Shigure) – **Well you can try that after DBSK's morning song 'Rising Sun!' Hero's a cutie in the video don't you think? Don't worry Ayame; you're the only man who could ever get me howling! Well when we come back we'll have the long awaited fashion advice from the clothing extraordinaire sitting opposite me, and 'Ayame's and Yuki's Brotherly Love' special! See you soon!

_Shigure and Ayame remove their headphones and finish the dregs of their now cold tea. Shigure looks over to his companion and smiles as Ayame frets over his frilly cuffs._

'_Grr…Shigure! How can I be presented to my brother with tattered cuffs! I knew I should have brought my sewing kit!'_

'_Now, now! Ayame, this is exactly a four minute, and forty-two second song! You'll have enough time to go change right?' Shigure said bemusedly._

_Ayame stilled, his eyes wide and a large smile gracing his effeminate features. He quickly untangled himself from the remaining electrical equipment with a hurried 'You're a genius…' in Shigure's direction before he opened the door and ran to a room upstairs somewhere. Shigure leaned back and sighed, letting the morning rays filter through the blinds and onto his face. He could hear the birds twittering outside his home and he sat, contemplating on how he could work this Breakfast Show to his advantage. As he was listening to the final chorus of the song, Ayame burst through the door in one of Shigure's spare robes and smiled triumphantly towards his best friend._

_Shigure sat there stunned…_

**(Ayame) – **What an awesome song that was! However, I beg to disagree with you on Hero as being cute. Max, the youngest of the Korean boy band, has my vote on being the cutest. And boy can he pull a note! Anyway, this is Ayame and Shigure Sohma here if you're just tuning in and we're about to talk about fashion and bring you the newest segment of 'Ayame and Yuki's Brotherly Love!'

**(Shigure) – **Surprising since we are new! So tell us your tip of fashion for today Ayame!

**(Ayame) – **Well, you know how zippers of pants and jeans have those dratted teeth that hook onto your underwear, or something else if your not wearing anything, you know what I'm talking about males! I've come up with a way to not be embarrassingly caught by those sharp suckers of fashion disasters. Are you ready dear listeners? All you have to do is place the zipper inside your trousers! Zip yourself up from the inside of your pants instead of the outside and you're ensured that nothing will get stuck! Only zips on dresses should be on the outside because it's far easier to handle for women and men alike. We don't want lecherous men snaking their hands to the inside of your dress and zipping it up now do we ladies?

_Shigure coughs, trying to hide his smile behind his hand as his overactive mind worked on scenarios where zippers were on the inside of dresses._

**(Ayame) – **Well that's my fashion tip for today! Now onto the conquering of my brother Yuki!

**(Shigure) – **And how do you suppose that wearing my clothes?

**(Ayame) – **Easily! You have an amicable relationship with Yuki. If I dress up in our clothes and try to act like you, I'll surely win Yuki's respect!

**(Shigure) – **Well if you think that'll work…

**(Ayame) – **Of course it will work! Yuki will no doubt be astounded by my presence that he'll no doubt accept me with open arms!

**(Shigure) – **Well listeners! You heard the man! Today he shall woo Prince Yuki into recognizing a beloved brother worthy of his admiration!

**(Ayame) – **Indeed I shall!

_Ayame and Shigure rise from their seats and walk out into the main hallway in search of Yuki._

**(Shigure) – **I'm reporting to you live as Ayame Sohma tries to valiantly enter the rat's kingdom. Will the snake win? Or will the rat just eat the poor sod? Stay tuned to find out!

_Ayame and Shigure enter the kitchen wear a weary Yuki leans against the kitchen bench drinking orange juice._

**(Shigure) – **Aha! We've found Prince Yuki drinking the pulp of an orange liquid unknown to me. Ayame languidly moves towards the unaware Yuki and stands with his hands upon his hips in what he hope to be…intimidation?

**(Ayame) – **Yuki I demand to drink that orange liquid to be in your glass!

_Yuki hands him the glass sleepily._

**(Shigure) – **Recognition! Wow folks! Yuki has given Ayame his half-filled glass of an orangey pulp!

**(Ayame) – **Yuki the world is like raspberry liquorice. Do you agree?

_Yuki grunts._

**(Shigure) – **A response to Ayame's question! This is a record in the making and you're listening to it live!

**(Ayame) – **Yuki in the natural world the snake preys upon the rat to be its dinner. Some sort of predatory love. So, dear brother, be my prey!

**(Yuki) – **LIKE HELL I WILL!

_Yuki punches Ayame in which the slender man flies through the kitchen door and lands in the hallway. Yuki, his deep violet eyes glowing, stomps out of the room and Shigure stares wounded at his now destroyed door._

**(Shigure) – **My poor, helpless door. How many times have I repaired your wounded skeleton only to find you once again shattered by my feet? OH THE HORROR! Well it seems that Ayame is again unsuccessful in achieving his goal of brotherly affection. Maybe next time he will triumph.

**(Ayame) – **Owwww…

**(Shigure) – **Now onto another song, Todokanai Ai to Shitteita no ni Osae Kirezu ni Aishitsuzuketa and this is by Gackt from his album, Diabolos. Enjoy!

_Shigure walked over to his injured friend and held out his hand for the other to grab hold. Ayame, rubbing his jaw and smiling softly accepted Shigure's help and rose from the floor._

'_I really thought it would work out this time.' Ayame said softly._

'_Maybe you shouldn't have chosen me as a role model,' answered Shigure as they both began walking back to the sitting room where they had been holding the Breakfast Show for the past hour or so. _

'_The song's nearly finished; let's get back into spirits eh?'_

**(Ayame) – **Ah, and we're back! Well I daresay the tussle with Yuki wasn't a waste! Did you see it Shigure, and did you hear it listeners? Yuki, my beloved and most cherish brother gave me his drink when he could have been parched and dry from a long night's sleep! He willing gave me his pulp so I could drink from it. And from the same glass too! That's just a stepping-stone to a much bigger, and wonderful thing! Don't you agree Shigure?

**(Shigure) – **Yes I do!

**(Ayame) – **Good! Now onto our most cherished segment for today! 'Shigure and Ayame's Boyish Memories!'

**(Shigure) – **Ah our youth! The adventures of our childhood and teenage years were wondrous! The pranks, our love lif-

_The door slowly slides across and the light trickling in from the blinds illuminate the tall, dark man wearing a black suit, his bangs covering one of his eyes. He looks at the both of them and sighs, entering the room._

**(Ayame) – **Ah who do we have hear? Har'i' it's a pleasure for you to grace us with your presence!

**(Shigure) – **Yes what do we owe the pleasure?

**(Hatori) – **I came to pick up Ayame and take him home. Sohma houses orders.

**(Shigure) – **Aww…you're going to take my fun away? All our poor listeners wanting to learn of our life as hormonal teenagers will be shattered!

**(Ayame) – **Yes Har'i,' come join us.

**(Hatori) – **No.

**(Ayame) – **Aww…but…

**(Hatori) – **Come Ayame, the house told me to collect you before you make an utter fool of yourself.

**(Ayame) – **All right! Bye bye Shigure, listeners!

_Ayame bounds up and joins Hatori as he begins to leave the room._

**(Shigure) – **But wait!

**(Ayame) – **I'll be with you next week! You can close the show by yourself right?

**(Shigure) – **But…

**(Ayame) – **Bye!

**(Hatori) – **Goodbye.

**(Shigure) – **Well I guess that's it people! Hopefully we'll _both _see you next week for more news and gossip on your favourite Breakfast Show.

**(Shigure singing dissonantly) –**

Put a smile on your dial

We'll see you in a little while

Goodbye for today

We'll see you again

Put a smile on your dial

We'll see you in a little while

With Shigure and the snake!

(Clap, clap)

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Put a smile on your dial!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Put a smile on your dial!

Put a smile on your dial

We'll see you in a little while

Goodbye for today

We'll see you again

Put a smile on your dial

We'll see you in a little while

With Ayame and the dog!

(Clap, clap)

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Put a smile on your dial!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Put a smile on your dial!

(Clap, clap, clap!)

* * *

NOTES ON FIC:

Credit goes to William Gardner and 'In the Box' show hosts that present the most annoying Goodbye song ever that's as bad as the 'Song That Never Ends.' They both get stuck in your head at the worst of moments. (Well at least Lambchops was cute!)

The band and singer mentioned are real and the mention of Hero and Max from DBSK and how cute they are apply to me. I believe Hero is hot and Max, to me, is cute. Gackt has been around, if you haven't heard of him he use to be in a band called Malice Mizer. I suggest you check their songs out.

Shigure's poem was based on his relationship with Akito and what had happened between them in the past. It's only brief so hopefully I haven't spoilt it for the people who have still yet to read the manga.

* * *

A/N: Well, hopefully you liked this story and wish to take part in the storyline. All you have to do is submit a review telling me what character you'd like to be interviewed and any questions you might like to ask. If not you can just praise or criticize my work if you don't want to be a part of it. The more requests for certain characters, the likelihood that they'll be in the next fic. Well thanks for reading and I'll see you next time. 

P.S. Damn auto poetry recognition on this site! Ok poems and songs are not meant to have massive gaps between lines. Sorry.

* * *


	2. Kyo's Food Fight

* * *

A/N: Well I'm back! –falls asleep– Credits for everyone who've added me as faves and/or reviewed. Reviewers, please look at my profile, I've given you personal messages of thanks and such. I'm sorry to people who reviewed and their questions and/or requests aren't incorporated into this chapter. I promise your question(s) will be in later chapters! Trust me! Well I'm back! –falls asleep– Credits for everyone who've added me as faves and/or reviewed. Reviewers, please look at my profile, I've given you personal messages of thanks and such. I'm sorry to people who reviewed and their questions and/or requests aren't incorporated into this chapter. I promise your question(s) will be in later chapters! Trust me! 

Anyway, enjoy everyone, especially the newbies to the fic!

P.S. Sorry it has taken so long. I was in hospital and I didn't have an available computer on hand to type this up. Forgive me.

* * *

THE BREAKFAST SHOW

SECOND SHOW

Kyo's Food Fight!

By shinujigoku

_Yawning, a man with dark tousled hair opens the sliding door into a room filled with shelves of books outlining the four walls. The man, Shigure, sits down by his laptop wearily and tries to smooth the telltale kinks of sleep from his hair. With one final yawn, he properly opens his eyes and stares at the photograph beside his pencil case, a slight smile crossing his features. _

_In the photograph, a woman with short hair is flailing her arms at him, who in turn, is smiling mischievously holding a New Year's Kite. _Ah that was a good year_ he thought. That was the first New Year's that Yuki and Kyo defied Akito._

Hrm…Akito…_Shigure sighed. _

_Soon his reverie was spoiled as a tousled man with long white locks and smelling of roses and strawberries whisked in wearing a fluffy bathrobe and holding two mugs of tea._

'_Shigure!' he exclaimed in delight._

'_Aya.' Shigure replied with enthusiasm as he held his hands out for the cup of tea Ayame was offering. 'You know…' Shigure began, his lip protruding in what obviously was a pout, 'you didn't visit me last night.'_

_Ayame just smiled and sipped his tea, relishing the infusion of fruits and jasmine with relish. _

'_Aya!' Shigure whined as soon as he realised he wasn't getting an answer._

'_I slept in Tohru's room last night since all the males decided to lock me out last night.' Ayame looked at the choking Shigure who had swallowed his tea the wrong way, and decided to fill him in. 'All I could do was sleep in Tohru's room. She didn't mind at all! She even gave up the luxury of a bed, and therefore he own looks, so that I may retain my obvious beauty by having my beauty sleep!'_

_Ayame looked back at Shigure, who now resembled a trout with his mouth wide open, and decided to whisk out the radio equipment in the hope that he will remember why they were here so early in the morning._

'_It's time Shigure!' Ayame said waving the headphones, smiling._

**(Ayame and Shigure sing) –**

'Tis morning! 'Tis morning!

So wake up with us today!

Shigure and Ayame here

To make you smile and sing!

So wake up! Wake up!

And have some tea with yours truly!

**(Ayame) – **Good morning everyone and welcome to our second Breakfast show! It's Ayame…

**(Shigure) – **And Shigure!

**(Ayame) – **…here to bring you your morning satisfaction! We shall feed you with wise words from your very own doggy king, give you styling tips before you get up and go to work and bring you another segment of 'Ayame and Yuki's Brotherly Love!' But we have something else in store for you folks!

**(Shigure) – **Tell us Aya!

**(Ayame) – **On my way to my shop, I glanced into a nearby window to check my gorgeous reflection, (you always have to check for flyaway hairs these days! The weather's just terrible! It damages my poor, defenseless hair follicles with no consideration!), and I noticed something that screamed 'Get me oh wondrous one!'

_Shigure raises his eyebrow at Ayame in confusion._

**(Ayame) – **So my dear Shigure, I have bought you and our folks a glorious present!

_Ayame rushes out of the room and Shigure, his eyes wide with excitement, sings 'PREZZIE! PREZZIE!' into the microphone. After a few bangs and crashes from upstairs, Ayame's footfalls are heard coming down the staircase and he rushes into Shigure's study panting and holding a large box covered in purple silk and feathers._

**(Shigure) – **Ooh! Aya has bought us a prezzie folks! And boy is it big!

_Ayame, smiling sits down opposite Shigure and hands him the package._

**(Ayame) – **Open it my dear Shigure and tell our audiences what it is!

_Shigure rips the fabric in excitement, feathers and silk flying. Ayame shakes his head and gives a silent prayer to his now destroyed fabric, and in his favourite colour too. He turns back to Shigure who is now opening the flaps of the box and watches his excitement turn to uncertainty._

_Ayame hides his smile behind his cup of tea._

**(Shigure) – **Erm…Aya…what is it?

_Amongst all the shredded paper, which is purple by the way, Shigure pulls out a large red fire engine and places it onto the table in front of him. Inscribed on the truck's panels is a dog with a snake riding on its back wearing fireman gear, and on the front in purple letters are the letters 'A' and 'S.' _

**(Ayame) – **It's a telephone with our personal insignia on it, of course! Isn't it ingenious! I painstakingly created the insignia to demonstrate our unending relationship with our audiences. Together, with you carrying me, we will rush to any story, come rain, shine or fashion disaster, for the benefit of our listeners, just like this big red fire truck.

_Ayame reaches over and starts pushing the fire truck going 'EEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!'_

**(Shigure) – **Ah now I see! Well folks, you can now communicate to us. Tell me Aya, what is our phone number so we can start taking calls right away!

**(Ayame) – **EEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!

**(Shigure) – **AYA!

**(Ayame) – **I'll tell you after a morning song. And today it's Kimi no Machi Made! So belt up tight my dear breakfast fans and keep your fire helmets on! We'll be back shortly!

_Shigure looks at Ayame questioningly and Aya just smiles sweetly. Shigure cottoning on to Ayame's silence looks sternly at him as he took a sip of his tea._

'_You don't know do you?' Shigure asked._

'_Of course I don't! But I'm not stupid enough to not write it down!' He replied as he took an apricot bar from his bathrobe._

'_Where is it then?'_

'_In Tohru's room.'_

'_You dirty, dirty man!' said Shigure with a wink. 'And they think I'm the perverted one.'_

'_Well, despite your flattery Shigure I'm not getting up to retrieve it. I've already been up those stairs today. My poor brittle bones won't be able to take much more exercise!'_

'_Fine, I'll get it.' Shigure sighed resignedly as he rose from his desk._

'_Thank you Shigure! Your manliness is astounding!'_

_Shigure walks out of the study and climbs the stairs. As he reaches the landing he tiptoes past Yuki and Kyo's bedrooms to the end of the corridor where the door is slightly ajar. He enters, and he notices that Tohru is actually in the bed, and not on the floor as he supposed. _So Aya lied, he slept on the floor._ Shigure thought. _But how did he pack the blankets and futon up so fast?

_Shigure began to look about on the floor in the hope that he'd find a slip of paper with a phone number on it. He stilled when he heard Tohru moan and turn on her side, away from Shigure and facing towards the wall. Shigure thought he was safe until he saw a frilly purple card tucked in the arch of Tohru's back. _He didn't sleep on the floor! He slept with her! _Thought Shigure angrily. _He's sooooo lucky!

_Shigure edged towards the bed and tugged the card from underneath Tohru's sleeping body. Shigure froze as Tohru opened her eyes and mumbled sleepily; 'Shi…Shigure?'_

_As her vision cleared and indeed saw it was Shigure, he smiled sweetly and she yelped in surprise, drawing the covers up around her. Shigure waved goodbye cheerily to the confused Tohru and exited her room, only to find two teenage boys, Yuki and Kyo, staring accusingly at him. Shigure sensing he was in trouble sprinted down the stairs singing merrily _'Boys will be boys!'_ and into his study where Yuki and Kyo followed him, shouting obscenities and death threats. _

'_Ah Shigure welcome back! The song's about to end!' Ayame said fondly._

'_Yes, indeed.' Shigure said breathlessly, sitting down and donning his headphones just as Yuki and Kyo careered into the room._

'_Now now boys,' Ayame said wagging his finger, 'us adults have a job to do. Whatever you have to say, it'll have to wait.'_

**(Shigure) – **And that was Asian Kung Fu Generation with Kimi no Machi Made. And whilst you were bopping along to that song we have gone and acquired, yes, acquired not kidnapped…

**(Ayame and Shigure together) – **INTERVIEWEES!

**(Shigure) – **Yuki and Kyo have, of their own volition, graced us with their awesome presence to be a part of today's Breakfast Show with your hosts, Ayame and Shigure!

_Shigure and Ayame glare at Yuki and Kyo, the intensity startling them into submission and they don on the headphones offered to them. _

**(Yuki) – **I thought the house forbade you to host this show.

**(Ayame) – **They did…but our fans and future fans are more important than the restrictions of household censorship! And anyway, we just bought this really superb new phone for our callers! Just look at the skill of art on the truck.

_Ayame waves his hand at the fire truck and Yuki and Kyo notice the snake and dog insignia on the truck. They both simultaneously raise their eyebrows and look at the beaming Ayame and Shigure._

**(Yuki) – **You're no brother of mine.

**(Ayame) – **Now, now we haven't even hosted our segment yet brother! Wait until then to shower me with your brotherly affections of love and adoration!

**(Kyo) – **God, you're killing me! Make him stop.

**(Ayame and Shigure) – **No this is too much fun!

_Shigure and Ayame dance around the desk in glee singing 'Ring-a-ring a Rosie' and playing 'Duck Duck Goose' on Kyo and _Yuki_'s heads. They tried to topple the dancing hosts but instead decided to throw pillows at them._

**(Kyo and Yuki) – **SHIGURE!

**(Shigure) – **Ahem…yes…Well everyone, I bet you're wondering what our number is…let's see.

_Shigure looks at the card._

**(Shigure) – **It's 7394637!

**(Ayame) – **If you can't remember that, just look at your phone pad and type 'sex gods' everyone!

_Two loud slaps could be heard as both Kyo and Yuki slap their foreheads in exasperation._

**(Shigure) – **Ooh you chose wisely Aya. I know I can light your fire and keep you hot.

**(Ayame) – **Yes, and since I'm the King of Snakes, you know I can make you sweat!

**(Kyo and Yuki) – **NOT ON LIVE RADIO!

_The fire truck's siren goes off, startling everyone from their seats. Shigure looks at the truck and then back up at Aya, who is also watching the fire truck expectantly. 'Erm…Aya…how do you answer it?'_

'_Hrm…I haven't the slightest idea.'_

_Shigure, ignoring Yuki and Kyo's outbursts of 'TURN IT OFF!' begins to investigate the truck until he realizes that the ladder detaches itself as the phone piece. He notices a small button on the rungs of the ladder labeled 'Speaker,' and switches it on._

**(Ayame) – **Ooh our first caller! And what is your question.

**(Desirepassion) – **I have two questions.

**(Shigure) – **Hit us!

**(Ayame) – **No not literally, my skin is delicate after all!

**(Desirepassion) – **Ayame, for Yuki's birthday will you throw him a surprise party?

_Yuki looks oddly at his older brother and Ayame, noticing this, smiles happily._

**(Ayame) – **Of course I will! I will make it the most memorable thing for him so I shall be redeemed from my mistakes of the past! Hrm…I would probably make it a costume party and I'll design everybody's costumes! I'll also make a costume for myself too. I might come dressed as the blushing bride in remembrance of the first time he came to my store!

**(Yuki) – **Don't you dare!

**(Kyo) – **You were dressed in a wedding dress?

**(Ayame) – **Of course I was! I was doing a commission from one of my valued customers. He was about my height and I was doing the measurements. It was stunning!

**(Kyo) – **He?

**(Shigure) – **Ahem…well tell us caller your second question!

**(Desirepassion) – **This is for you Shigure. What was your first night alone with Ayame like? I mean, what exactly do you do together when you're alone?

**(Kyo and Yuki) – **YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

**(Ayame) – **Of course they want to know! Tell you what! Shigure, I feel it's time for your 'Wise Words from a Poet' and 'Shigure and Ayame's Boyish Memories' segment. Why don't you put those two together and astound our audience with your eloquent words and imagination!

**(Shigure) – **Indeed I shall! After all it is my fondest memory.

**(Ayame) – **And mine…

**(Kyo and Yuki) – **GRRR…

**(Ayame) – **Why don't we go to a commercial break so our resident poet can come up with a few words for you all. We'll be back shortly!

_Yuki and Kyo try to make a grab for the microphone but Ayame runs off with it and hides himself in broom cupboard whilst Shigure stands guard by the door._

**(Commercial man a.k.a. Ayame) – **

It's seductive! It's tantalizing! It'll make you very happy in the mornings and at night. It is 'Ayame.' It'll bring forth your deepest desires and make you sweat and squeal in delight. So visit Ayame, and let your deepest, darkest desires be brought to life. Go to Immoaning Court and visit Ayame today!

_'Is it safe to come out yet?' Ayame asks tentatively. 'Yes, the boys saw Tohru wearing only her night gear and they ran back to the study blushing.' 'Ah sweet love. Blushing is the first sign of a gentleman liking what he sees. After all I made her that nightgown.'_

'_Yes I noticed your handiwork.'_

_Both Ayame and Shigure return to the study where they come across both of the boys trying to hide their blushes. Ayame and Shigure secretly share a smile._

**(Ayame) – **And we're back! If you're just tuning in, a caller has just asked Shigure to retell how your hosts' first night together was like in sordid detail. Shigure, our poet, is writing a poem to idolize our first night on national radio. So Shigure, are you ready?

**(Shigure) – **Nearly!

_The fire truck rings again._

**(Ayame) – **Ooh more callers! Well let's take these and by the end of it, hopefully, you shall all extend your ears and hear the melodic words of Shigure as he recounts our boyish memories of long ago! Hello caller!

**(Kameko Suigami) – **Hello Aya, I have a question I'd like to ask Kyo!

**(Kyo) – **Go ahead.

**(Kameko Suigami) – **If you want to beat Yuki so bad, why not hold a cooking contest?

**(Ayame) – **That's a grand idea!

**(Shigure) – **Uh huh!

**(Yuki) – **No it isn't.

**(Kyo) – **Yeah who would want to do that?

_Kyo looks over at Yuki and realizes that Yuki has gone pale. Kyo smiling vindictively with a glint in his eye remembers that Yuki is a terrible cook and therefore stands a chance at beating Yuki and getting accepted into the family._

**(Kyo) – **But then again I've never been one to back down from a challenge! Yuki, you and me in the Kitchen now!

_Yuki turns to Kyo and gulps. Kyo's smile broadens and he grabs his collar trying to pull the reluctant Yuki to his feet. Yet, the door slides open before Kyo could drag Yuki's body to the door and Tohru enters holding a breakfast tray._

**(Tohru) – **Good morning! I'd thought you'd all be hungry now.

_Tohru looks over at Shigure and blushes a deep scarlet. Yuki and Kyo remembering this morning's venture, glare angrily at Shigure's bowed head._

**(Ayame) – **Excellent, put it down here Princess. Guess what! Kyo and Yuki are going to have a cooking challenge!

**(Tohru) – **Really?

**(Ayame) – **Yes, and the listeners to Ayame's and Shigure's Breakfast Show are going to hear all about it!

**(Shigure) – **Ah finished!

**(Ayame) – **Ooh and now they're going to hear about they're favourite hosts' first night together! So Shigure, are you ready?

**(Shigure) – **As ready as I can ever be for you, Aya.

_Yuki and Kyo inwardly groan and hang their heads while Tohru listens intently._

**(Shigure) –**

The moonlit night shimmers through the blinds,

And the door slides open

And the room begins to heat

As I watch him crawling to me seductively

I lick my lips appreciatively.

He comes closer, closer

And I reach out for him.

His hand grasps mine

And draws me into a deep embrace

Slowly, slowly, we fall asleep. Together.

His fragile body, pressed to mine.

My warm breath tickling his ear.

Together we sleep of serpents and dogs

Of curses and promises.

As babes we dream of love.

_Yuki and Kyo sit there in shock whereas Tohru is applauding loudly._

**(Ayame) – **Absolutely wonderful! What a way to depict our first night!

**(Tohru) – **Wow! I never knew you could write poetry as well as your books!

**(Shigure) – **Tohru would you like me to make a poem of the future first night we shall share!

**(Kyo and Yuki) – **YOU PERVERTED OLD MAN!

**(Ayame) – **I guess it's time for another song. Please stay tuned with your breathtakingly gorgeous hosts and we'll come to you live for Kyo's Food Fight shortly!

_Kyo and Yuki stop their threatening advance on Shigure and look at each other. Kyo laughs maniacally and Yuki, remembering what he was about to do, paled._

'_Shit!'_

'_Are you scared rat-boy? You better be! I'm going to wipe your pretty boy face in my dirty dishes!'_

'_Bring it!'_

'_Ooh…did you hear that Shigure! They're really going to do it! I guess we better get the ingredients ready!' Ayame whispered to Shigure in delight._

'_Yes, let's! Kyo's scaring me! Can you see his vein twitching? Terrible! Terrible!'_

_Shigure and Ayame tiptoe quietly past the still bickering boys and whisk off to the kitchen where they grab a handful of ingredients and place them in respective bags of orange and blue. Together they go back to the study and rescue Tohru, as well as dragging Kyo and Yuki to the kitchen along with the equipment._

**(Shigure) – **And we're back!

**(Ayame) – **I hope you missed us.

**(Shigure) – **'Cause we missed you!

**(Ayame) – **Indeed my heart pounded with the loss!

**(Yuki) – **Can we just get this going?

**(Ayame) – **Of course dear brother! Anything for you! I just know you're going to win this challenge! After all I am an excellent cook!

**(Shigure) – **Well you've never tasted his cooking then. Ah how I am so glad that Tohru does not let me live on a charcoal diet.

**(Ayame) – **Well we'll see! Under pressure the Ayame and Yuki's brotherly love never fails and our loving karma will make a wonderful dish that'll set your taste buds tingling!

**(Shigure) – **If you say so then! We are now in my kitchen and on the table are two bags with five mystery ingredients. Kyo, Yuki, could you please choose a colour and stand behind the bag of your choice.

_Yuki stands behind the blue bag, whereas Kyo stands behind the orange one._

**(Ayame) – **Now open your bags and tell the audiences what you have in them.

_Yuki opens his bag resignedly and draws out his ingredients._

**(Yuki) –**I have a Honeydew melon, choc-mint ice cream, honey, sesame seeds and a vanilla bean.

_Ayame spins the microphone to Kyo who is looking in his bag in shock._

**(Kyo) – **What the hell am I to make with this!

**(Ayame) – **I don't know. Something…it is a cooking challenge Kyonkyon.

**(Kyo) – **STOP CALLING ME THAT!

**(Ayame) – **Come now our listeners are waiting Kyonkyon!

**(Kyo) – **Sour plums, onions, miso, garlic and…leeks.

**(Shigure) – **Now the rules are that you have twenty minutes to make something out of your ingredients and we'll bring someone from the outside to taste-test your final product. And to make sure things are fair they won't know who cooked what! So where will I find a deprived person not listening to our show this morning…ah I know!

_Shigure runs off._

**(Ayame) – **Men! Let the cooking challenge begin!

_Ayame and Yuki watches Kyo leave the kitchen only to return with a facemask and a scuba oxygen tank connected to him. Yuki smirks at him and Ayame tuts over his poor fashion sense._

_Nevertheless, Kyo and Yuki go on either side of the kitchen; Kyo to the stove where he retrieves a pot from the cupboard and pours water into it, Yuki to the other where he looks confusedly at a juicer. Tohru stands by the glass cupboard enraptured._

**(Ayame) – **Well they're off! And what a start! Kyonkyon has started putting water on the boil and chopping ingredients left, right and center. And my handsome younger brother is…erm…musing?

'_Yuki what's wrong?' Ayame asks._

'_What is this?' Yuki points to the juicer._

_Ayame's eyes widen in astonishment before adding 'It's a juicer. You place fruit in there and it pummels it down into a pulp. Quite handy when you want to mix a piece of fruit with a refreshing ice tea!'_

'_Thanks brother.'_

**(Ayame) – **Aww…gratitude! That was definitely a 'Ayame and Yuki's Brotherly Love' segment. But darn I don't think the audiences heard it! Well I'll just tell you the story of a fair prince and how his baby brother cries in distress over the dreaded machine known as the juicer! Once upon a time…

_The fire truck siren rings just as Kyo is placing his ingredients in the pot and stirring whilst rice is cooking in the rice cooker, and Yuki has started cutting up the melon._

**(Ayame) – **Ooh a caller!

_Ayame presses the speaker button._

**(Ayame) – **Hello and salutations! What would you like to know?

**(Computer-Junkie-Fire-Girl) – **Hello, I have a question for Kyo and Yuki.

**(Kyo and Yuki) – **Yes?

**(Computer-Junkie-Fire-Girl) – **This is hypothetical. What if you found out that, heaven forbid, Tohru was in some way shape or form, physically or mentally abusing herself?

_Yuki and Kyo drop what is in their hands and turn around quickly to stare at a startled Tohru._

**(Tohru) – **No! No! No! No! No! I'm not!

**(Yuki) – **Yes well if that happened I would take her to my secret base and try to talk about what made her think that that was the way to go to sort out her problems, and to make sure she knows I'm here to listen.

**(Ayame) – **Ah that's my brother! That's one of the things I admire about you!

**(Computer-Junkie-Fire-Girl) – **And you Kyo?

**(Kyo) – **I'd tie her hands up and lock and bolt the doors and windows so she'll stay away from anything sharp. I'd cook all her meals and hand feed her so she wouldn't think of using the butter knife as a way to hurt herself. I'll never make her leave her room until she has a sane mind.

**(Yuki) – **I'd think that'd just worsen it.

_Kyo glares at Yuki._

**(Ayame) – **Thanks for your call! It's eight minutes left. So Shigure if you're listening, make sure you come back soon!

_Yuki watches the melon pieces getting processed by the juicer and collects the pulp at the end and decides to pour it in a bowl. _

_Kyo, on the other hand, lowers the heat on the stove and lets it simmer for a while._

**(Ayame) – **If only you were all here folks! Right now in this hot and sweaty kitchen! Love is being brewed in two different dishes and our two combatants are working diligently in this quest for family and pride! Ah, it's four minutes left and it seems that Yuki is placing a scoop of ice cream into the center of the goop and, wait for it, sprinkling sesame seeds and vanilla bean over the top. Ooh and now, now he's drizzling honey over it. It looks like a masterpiece painted by Picasso himself! Hrm…and Kyo, it seems he's checking to see if the rice is cooked. And…it is! Now he's placing his dish into small soup bowls. It looks ok, BUT IT WON'T BEAT MY DEAR BROTHER YUKI'S!

_Shigure slides the door open just as Yuki and Kyo finish placing their dishes on the table._

**(Shigure) – **We're here!

**(Ayame) – **Excellent! Just in time! So whom have you brought for our panel of judges Shigure?

**(Shigure) – **Well I knew that these poor souls were missing out on the harmonic words of the Breakfast Show and I felt that they need to bask in our splendor so they know to listen to us in the mornings.

**(Ayame) – **Great promotion! So please introduce them!

**(Shigure) – **Certainly. The first taste tester is Kimi and she's the flirtatious one on Yuki's Student Council, and secondly is one of Yuki's best mates, Kakeru, also on the student council!

**(Kimi and Kakeru) – **Hello Yun-Yun!

**(Yuki) – **You usually don't go to school early. What were you doing?

_Kimi and Kakeru smile mischievously._

**(Kimi and Kakeru) – **Nothing…

**(Shigure) – **Enough chitchat! Onto the show! Please take your seat, hear are your spoons, and now decide which dish you prefer.

_Kimi and Kakeru each pull Kyo's dish up first and they prod it with their spoons wondering whether it is edible. Nevertheless, they each take a sip of the soup and murmur appreciatively, despite their reservations on the presentation._

_Next they bring Yuki's dish in front of them, and without hesitation, they drink a bit of it, surprised with the refreshing taste. They take another sip._

**(Ayame) – **And your decision?

_Kimi and Kakeru point to Yuki's._

**(Shigure) – **And Yuki is the winner!

**(Kimi) – **This is yours Yun-Yun? Would you cook for me again?

**(Kakeru) – **Yes you can cook for the whole student council!

_Kyo, fuming, storms out angrily kicking the door open and curses under his breath about 'favoritism.' Shigure twitches in agony as he picks up the splinters of the doorframe for the second time._

'_Oh my beloved door! How cruel and barbaric!'_

**(Ayame) – **There's no need to be a spoilsport. Oh and look at the time! I'll be late for my facial! Shigure!

**(Shigure) – **Yes?

**(Ayame) – **You know what time it is now!

**(Shigure) – **Indeed I do! It's…

**(Shigure and Ayame) – **The goodbye song!

**(Shigure) – **As we say goodbye! Make sure you listen to us again on the Shigure and Ayame's breakfast show!

**(Shigure, Ayame and Kakeru sing waving streamers) –**

I guess we've reached the end

And so it's time to bid farewell

So please be back on the 'morrow.

And join Ayame and Shigure

On their Breakfast Show.

_(Shigure hits a gong and a loud boom resounds)_

See you everybody!

* * *

NOTES ON FIC:

Ayame's favourite colour: If anyone knows Aya's favourite colour, tell me and I'll change it. It was either out of red or purple based on the colour of his coats, and so I chose purple for his flamboyant nature. –smiles innocently-

Poem: It's free verse. I couldn't be bothered to write in rhyme. Hopefully you got that Shigure was recounting the first night Ayame slept over when they were babies.

Commercial: From what I heard, Ayame named his shop after himself. So I was playing with words with that commercial. I hope you don't mind.

Choc-mint Ice cream: Hehe…it's my favourite ice cream. Practically anything that is choc-mint is my favourite. Thanks Saa-kun and Je-kun!

What both Kyo and Yuki cooked do not try at home. I made the recipe out of the top of my head, and thus I doubt it to be edible. (I can't cook!)

* * *

AN: Hrm…I wanted to put the embarrassing question in submitted by Voltra the Lively but I just didn't know when to put it in. Grr…maybe next time, as is the same with all the other people's questions I haven't been able to answer in this chapter. Well anyway you've reached the end…good job…so now all you have to do is: 

Review!

Please tell me what you think!

(Same thing applies…your reviews are your questions to the show hosts and/or other characters. Or you could just praise or crit me.)

**P.S. REMEMBER THAT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED FOR THE FIRST CHAPTER HAVE MESSAGES FROM ME IN MY PROFILE. CHECK THEM BEFORE I UPDATE NEXT OR ELSE THEY'LL BE DELETED!**

* * *

­


	3. School Meanderings

* * *

A/N: I'm back! Hmm…I realised that not a lot of people reviewed the story. Was it because it was too long? Or did people who reviewed for the first chapter and did not get their questions answered believe that they had to wait for their question to be incorporated before reviewing again? If so…please don't hold back ok? Your cooperation determines the success of the fanfic. Well here's the next chapter. I hope you like it!

**All the people who've reviewed recently please check my profile for my words of thanks and to see whether your question/request is now void.**

And I'm sorry that some questions weren't placed in this fic but they will be placed in future chapters so please don't be mad at me if you felt you have been slighted. They will be put in future questions.

* * *

THE BREAKFAST SHOW

THIRD SHOW

School Meanderings

By shinujigoku

**(Ayame) –** We have to be quiet.

**(Shigure) –** But…

**(Ayame) –** Shh…

_Dust was floating in the air and our two hosts were covered in partial darkness with only a little bit of light filtering through the tiny slits in the door. From what could be seen, Ayame and Shigure were sitting in a crowed closet drinking their morning tea, a platter of crumpets resting on a bucket between them. The room is covered with cleaning materials such as mops, vacuums, crates, buckets and disinfectants, and it smells like old bleach and mildew. They were, without a doubt, hiding in the janitor's closet of Yuki's school._

**(Shigure) –** Ah…Aya doesn't this remind you of our old school days…when we…you know…

**(Ayame) –** Yes Shigure, I remember those heated days where, in our passion, we would hide in the janitor's closet and…

_The door opens wide and the room is flooded with light as two teenage boys glare angrily down at them. Ayame and Shigure raise their arms against the bright light, gingerly getting up and walking out of the janitor's closet. When their eyes finally become accustomed to the light and all the dust had been removed from their clothes, Shigure smiled warmly at the two boys, whilst Ayame leapt and tried to hug the school president._

**(Ayame)** – YUUUUUUKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!

**(Yuki) –** GET OFF ME!

**(Ayame) –** Come now, the joys of brotherly love can only be felt when we're live on air. You know, the electricity that flutters throughout your system as we embrace…the butterflies that flutter around in your stomach as you gaze at the wonder and beauty of your brother…the –

**(Kyo) –** Will you shut up!

**(Ayame and Shigure)** – Certainly not!

**(Shigure) –** This is the only time we can see Yuki blush bright red. This is too much fun! Plus we're here at this school for a reason! Hey you guys!

_Hatsu Haru, Momiji and Tohru walk towards the fighting quartet and wave their greeting._

**(Momiji) –** Hello Shigure, Ayame. What are you doing here? And why are you dressed in our school uniform? Are you returning to study?

**(Shigure) –** Ah, no. As much as the idea of cute little high school girls fawning over me in this flattering outfit appeals to me, I must say that is not the reason why we are here. It's just something we expect anyway! No, our dear listeners, and to you our children –

**(Kyo) –** Who're you calling children?

**(Ayame) –** Don't interrupt Kyonkyon!

**(Shigure) –** Yes, well…as I was saying, Aya and I are here to be your relief teacher for today. Sorry Momiji, Hatsu Haru, we're only teaching Yuki, Kyo and Tohru for today.

**(Momiji) –** That's ok. But the janitor's closet is not their classroom. Unless you think they're the equivalent to dustpans and mops. Ah I see it now…Kyo's hair resembles a –

_Kyo pounces and grinds Momiji's head between his fists._

**(Kyo) –** I swear…every time you talk it just pisses me off!

**(Momiji) –** WAH! Somebody…Kyo's hurting me!

**(Hatsu Haru) –** Ah…I get it now. The heroes of the Breakfast Show were aimlessly walking around the solemn corridors of the oppressive building, when suddenly they heard the shrills of banshees and wailings coming out of the walls. Their hearts pounding, they tried to open the doors to escape the sounds, yet they were all locked. Frightened, they found that only one room was opened and they rushed inside, only realising that there was no light to ease their anguished hearts.

**(Ayame) –** Exactly! Only you know how to express our fear!

_Kyo and Yuki both groan, rubbing their temples as an onset of a migraine looms._

**(Shigure) –** It's true…to an extent. Aya and I took Yuki's keys and entered the school around midnight. We thought we heard someone walking the halls and so we hid in this closet until the time you've opened the door and rescued us.

**(Ayame) –** Yes, yes! My brave brother rescued his beloved and now we must embrace passionately in gratitude!

_Ayame tries to embrace Yuki, but Hatsu Haru beats him by hugging Yuki from behind._

**(Hatsu Haru) –** Ah, you're so soft Yuki.

_Yuki's blush deepens while Kyo walks off muttering about "Idiots." Tohru, worried when she spots wild cats following him, decides to go with him._

**(Ayame) –** In the face of adversary I will succeed!

**(Shigure) –** Wise words!

_Ayame looks at his watch._

**(Ayame) –** Excellent! We have time before your lesson starts. So that means we can take callers! So my cherished listeners call us on our hotline 7394637, or just press in 'sex gods' on your phone pad.

**(Momiji) –** Erm…I don't think that's wise. Akito and Hatori are here and you knew what happened last time you went on the air.

**(Shigure) –** Yes Hatori spanked me so hard…and Akito –

_The sound of a wailing is heard coming from the closet. Ayame jumps behind Shigure and quivers._

**(Ayame) –** Shig…gur…e…is this school haunted?

**(Shigure) –** Erm…Aya…I think that's our truck.

(**Ayame) – **Oh of course it is!

_Ayame bounds inside the closet and starts rummaging around the crates until he produces the fire truck and places it in front of the group._

**(Shigure) –** Boy that was quick! So how are you today?

**(Voltra the Lively) –** Hello! I'm well. Hrm…I was wondering what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? Tell you what…could you ask that to everyone you meet? I'd like to know.

**(Shigure) –** Certainly! I love embarrassing stories! Who's going first! Ah I know! Mom –

**(Ayame) –** YUKI!

**(Yuki) –** Having you as a brother would be my most embarrassing thing!

**(Shigure) –** Aww…come now! Don't be a spoilt sport!

**(Momiji) –** Yeah, come on there has to be something!

**(Yuki) –** Well there was the time when Tohru said my nickname, you know, Pri…Prince Yuki.

_Hatsu Haru laughs evilly._

**(Ayame) –** Ah yes, in the throws of passion a woman's cry of passion as she yells out the nickname of her beloved can make any grown man –

**(Yuki) –** IT WAS NOTHING LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Yuki storms off angrily._

**(Ayame) –** What did I say?

**(Shigure) –** Anyway, what about you Hatsu Haru?

**(Hatsu Haru) –** Well when I was young, I glanced upon this beautiful dame who walloped me one in the udders.

**(Shigure) –** How was that embarrassing?

**(Hatsu Haru) –** I really can't remember. But whatever my reaction was I've been taunted by that beautiful dame ever since. Hrm…I wonder where my classroom is?

_Hatsu Haru walks off in search of his classroom._

**(Ayame) –** It seems that manly passion tends to make the young embarrassed! I know that shy feeling so well! What about you Momiji? Has someone rocked your boat as the youth of today say these days?

_Momiji turns a bright shade of red._

**(Momiji) –** Well erm…yes…

**(Shigure and Ayame) –** TELL! TELL! TELL!

**(Shigure) –** Of course it is for the benefit of the listeners!

_Shigure and Ayame lean over Momiji, making him appear like a cornered rabbit against two sex-crazed predators. _

**(Momiji) –** Well…I…I…Do you remember when I took Tohru to the hot springs?

_Ayame gasps._

**(Ayame) –** You looked at Tohru while she was having a bath! Ooh who knew you could be so dirty!

**(Momiji) –** No, that's not it! No, Tohru slept in the same futon as me and I woke up in the middle of the night…and I…

**(Ayame) –** YES! YES!

**(Momiji) –** I snuggled closer to her so I could hear her breathing, and you know what happens to us boys when we hug girls.

**(Ayame) –** Oh yes…we know!

**(Shigure) –** Hrm...You love her don't you?

_Momiji looks up at Shigure, a saddened expression on his face._

'_I better go look for Hatsu Haru before he gets lost.' Momiji muttered brusquely before walking in the direction of Hatsu Haru's exit._

**(Ayame) –** Well what did he say?

**(Shigure) –** Nothing. Don't worry about it.

_The bell rings signalling the first lesson._

**(Ayame) –** Aww…well listeners that was an eventful morning and we still have plenty in store for you! Now it's off to a song as we set up for our live lesson where your hosts will teach the youth of today the important facts of life. So crank it up for Gazette's new single, Filth in the Beauty!

_Shigure and Ayame rescue their breakfast and equipment from the janitor's closet and head towards Yuki, Tohru and Kyo's classroom on the second floor. As they climb the stairs, talking about what they'll teach the students, two dark individuals glaring angrily at them barricade them. Shigure and Ayame's eyes widen in shock._

'_Akito! Hatori! It's so nice to see you!' Ayame and Shigure say in unison._

'_Indeed.' Hatori murmurs silkily._

'_I thought I told you to cancel the Breakfast Show?' Akito hissed furiously, climbing down the stairs to meet them._

'_Oh did you?' Ayame said trying to feign ignorance. _

'_You know I did.' Akito faces Ayame and they have a heated "discussion" over house loyalty and the degradation of the family name, with Hatori joining in shortly after._

_Unbeknownst to them, Shigure switched the 'On' button when he sensed that the song had finally finished._

**(Hatori) –** Ayame, you should be careful on what you disclose to live audiences. They could find out about the curse…

**(Akito) –** And then we'll risk being hunted down and used as some sort of freak show attraction! Do you want that!

_The phone rings._

**(Akito) –** What the hell is that awful sound!

**(Ayame) –** That's our fire truck!

_Ayame, who was desperate for a distraction, bounded over to Shigure and rescued his beloved fire truck. Noticing that Shigure had put them on air, he smiled scandalously at Shigure in silent approval._

**(Akito) –** Well switch it off!

**(Ayame) –** Nuh uh uh! It's my property and it doesn't follow your oppressive rules. Hello caller?

**(Doggy Ears n Emily) –** Hi! I was wondering whether the person you're talking to was a guy or a girl?

**(Ayame) –** What Akito?

**(Doggy Ears n Emily) –** Yeah!

_Shigure and Ayame look towards Akito and smile sadistically. _

**(Shigure) –** Oh…Akito's a girl!

(**Akito) – **SHIGURE! What if the others were listening?

**(Shigure) –** It's about time they learnt the truth don't you think. Thanks caller!

_The phone rings again._

**(Shigure) –** Do you see now that this show's doing ok Akito, Hatori?

**(Ayame) –** Hello caller! What is your request?

**(Mariya Kutana) –** Hello Aya, Shigure! Since I know Akito's there now I was wondering why she is so mean to Tohru?

**(Akito) –** HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M HERE?

_Shigure's smile broadens and he shows her that they've been on air for quite some time. Akito lunges for Shigure but he merely sidesteps and wags his finger at her in admonishment._

**(Ayame) –** Well, Akito? We all want to know why you treat her with so much disdain. Such a pretty and sweet person that she is.

**(Akito growling) –** Because she sickens me. Everyone loves her and her childlike manner. An outsider taking away everything that is precious to me! She's making our family tear apart!

**(Shigure) –** It's not true. It's a shame that you can't see past your hatred.

**(Akito) –** I don't need to listen to you.

_Akito storms off and Shigure sighs sadly. Both Ayame and Shigure look at Hatori who's leaning against the wall, his dark blackish green hair covering his eyes._

**(Shigure) –** Come Hatori! Join us as we teach Yuki's class today the necessities of life!

**(Hatori) –** What idiot made you two relief teachers?

**(Shigure) –** Hey we're on air! Treat us as heavenly gods that have come to recount our illustrious life to our fans.

**(Shigure and Ayame) –** YOSH!

**(Hatori) –** Oh give it a rest. I'll join you only because I have to give Yuki his monthly check-up.

**(Ayame) –** Excellent! Ok and now we go to a Commercial break. This time us hosts won't be advertising for you today, but our automated Commercial talker will be. So see you after the break.

_Ayame hands over the microphone to Hatori and smiles sweetly. Hatori, nonplussed, looks questioningly at Shigure. Grinning, he leans in and whispers in his ear. Hatori groans._

**(Commercial man a.k.a. Hatori) –**

Go and get a check up with Dr. Hatori Sohma.

P.S. And stop listening to these idiots.

_Noticing that the hosts of the show had left him standing on the stairwell, Hatori sighed and began walking leisurely towards Yuki's classroom._

**(Ayame) –** Hello my little pets! Now listen closely! You are all on live air and the listeners of the Breakfast Show are all paying attention to your teachers for today! I am the beloved brother of Yuki, and this is Shigure Sohma.

_Hatori walks into the classroom and sits silently in the corner of the room. _

**(Shigure) –** And I guess we're back! If you're just tuning in we are now coming to you live from the local high school as we teach these youngsters the importance of life. But first we'll have a little Q and A session to know each other better!

_The fire truck rings loudly and several of the students jump out of their seats in shock. _

**(Shigure) –** Oh don't worry littlies! It's only big daddy's fire truck!

_Yuki, Kyo, Hana and Arisa all groan in dismay._

**(Ayame) –** Hello! Hello! You called just in time! We're doing a Q and A session right now! It's great that a listener can start of the questioning to break the ice! So hit us!

**(DesirePassion) –** Greetings! I want to thank you, Shigure and Ayame, for answering my questions the last time.

**(Ayame) –** Ooh, you're an ongoing caller?

**(DesirePassion) –** Yep!

**(Ayame) –** Well we bow down and worship you!

_Ayame and Shigure Kowtow to the fire truck much to the astonishment of the students, and Hatori._

**(Shigure) –** So what're your questions?

**(DesirePassion) –** Well the first one's to you Shigure. How do you feel about dating short girls? I'm seventeen and only 4 foot and ten inches tall.

**(Shigure) –** I don't see why I shouldn't date shorter girls. They're cuter and softer to cuddle, plus they fit nicely under your arm when you're either walking with them or watching a movie in the cinemas. But I don't necessarily look at stature as an important necessity in a relationship. Personality, loyalty and respect are what I look for in a girl, and if she has them I'm hooked. Hopefully that's all right for an answer.

**(Ayame) –** Hrm…and you're other question? Is it for me?

**(DesirePassion) –** Yep. Who do you like the most, Hatori, Shigure or Yuki?

_Shigure, Yuki and Hatori still as they watch Ayame's expression closely. Ayame looked from one anticipating face to the other and his expression saddened._

**(Ayame) –** I like them all. All three have been an important part of my life and I owe them so much for just accepting and appreciating me just as I am. So I'm sorry I can't choose.

_Yuki, Shigure and Hatori smile warmly at Ayame._

**(Hatori) –** That's the first time I've ever heard you say something tangible.

**(Ayame) –** I always say something tangible! It's just a matter of deciphering my elegant words that flow from my beautiful mouth to the deep and meaningful words that affect your heart and soul.

_Hatori rolls his eyes._

**(Shigure) –** Thanks for calling! Much appreciated and I hope you call again! Hrm…so what about you my sweet high school girls? No questions for your impish sensei?

_Shigure looks at all the drooling, lovesick females in the classroom expectantly. When no answer was forth coming he mouthed to Hatori to 'act like a girl.'_

**(Ayame) –** Hrm…I guess they're still so shy. Hey what if we gave them their first lesson for today, something all our audiences know as 'Fashion Fiesta!'

**(Shigure) –** Yes, I think it'll be a beneficial part of their life. Give us your wisdom!

**(Ayame) –** Well girls and boys, do you know the importances of socks are in our daily life?

_The students look at him in confusion._

**(Ayame) –** Well, not only are they the barriers against tight and sometimes uncomfortable shoes, but they are a necessary fashion accessory! Don't ever be fooled to believe that you are wearing pants and no one can see your socks. It's a fashion no-no to wear light coloured socks under dark pants. Always go dark. And to girls, if you want to wear thigh coloured socks, always make sure that it compliments your outfit by having a colour that compliments it. It's rudimentary, but it happens to be the bane of most people's fashion sense. 'Tis a shame!

**(Shigure) –** And you heard it from the man himself, the fashion tycoon Ayame Sohma!

_Ayame bows to the class to the applause and squealing of his now forming 'Prince Ayame Sohma Fan Club'_

**(Ayame) –** Thank you! Thank you!

**(Shigure) –** So what next Aya?

_The door crashes open and an incensed Akito comes in with a baseball bat. Ayame and Shigure's eyes widen and they scramble to get all their equipment into their arms and out of the window. Akito makes a dash at the window and Shigure flies out through the window, Ayame following suit. They land in the school's rosebushes, much to the astonishment of the gardener._

**(Ayame) –** Well I guess that's all folks. Until next time!

**(Gardener) –** You hooligans! Get out of my rosebushes!

_The gardener realising that they've broken the stems of some of the bushes in half began brandishing his rake at them. Ayame and Shigure leapt into the air and ran with their equipment in their hands across the school grounds._

**(Shigure singing) –**

So long! Fair well! I bid to say adieu…argh…

Goodbye nnnoooowwww!

* * *

NOTES ON FIC:

Udders: Do Ox have udders?

Embarrassing Stories: Sorry that the guys most embarrassing moments tended to revolve around girls. You see I don't know what guys get embarrassed over and I asked my brother who's the same age as Yuki and the others and he said that he finds associating with girls embarrassing. (Then again my brother's EXTREMELY shy.) So if there's a guy that reads this fanfic, could you give me an outlining as to what makes guys embarrassed for future reference? (Since I still have all the other male zodiacs and Yuki's friends to ask.)

Kowtow: It's a reverent bowing to people of power in old Asia. (I don't know if they still do it.)

* * *

A/N: **REVIEW!** Hrm…oh and tell me your thoughts on homework. I might do something concerning it in the next fic. Remember you are the callers! So ask any question to anyone in Fruits Basket.

* * *


End file.
